At the start of a relationship, everything is simple. We talk to each other, we share everything, we discover each other. Then, time passes, and routine sets in. If some fear it, it is nevertheless essential to the solidity of the duo. How not to get lost? Dorothée Bruni gives us her keys to cultivating your “couple culture”.
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1. The mathematical rule of torque: 1 + 1 = 3
For Dorothée Bruni, a couple is not just the meeting of two people.“We often forget that we are building a couple culture. In reality, 1+1 does not make 2, but 3”she explains.
There is you, there is the other, and there is this third entity:the couple. Everyone arrives with their past, their education and their values to form a common identity which must evolve over the years (6 months, 5 years, 20 years…).
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2. Routine, a security engine
Contrary to popular belief, routine is not necessarily negative. Just as rituals secure a child to help it grow or sleep, routine offers the couple a protective framework.
“Routine is what makes us safe with others, that we can allow ourselves to be ourselves without always being in control”underlines the psychologist. It allows you to rely on others, as you would with a very close friend.
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3. Do not confuse Love and Desire
The modern trap is to want everyday life to always be “exciting”. However, love and desire do not operate with the same fuel:
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Desire needs spice, surprise, mystery and an element of risk.
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Lovehe thrives on security, trust and stability.
Wanting to eliminate all routine is sometimes to endanger the emotional security necessary for the durability of the bond.
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4. Two practical tips to calm down everyday life
The rule of “he who does is right”
It’s often over household chores (unstretched laundry, socks lying around) that the couple gets upset. Dorothée Bruni’s advice is simple:“He who does is right. We have the right to complain internally, but if the other takes his share of responsibility and does it in his own way, we must accept it. The other has heard that he can relieve us, that’s the main thing.”
Exasperation vs Dissatisfaction
Exasperation is not a sign of imminent breakup, quite the contrary!
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L’exaspérationis positive: it pushes us to look for solutions and shows that there is still energy and interest in others.
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Dissatisfactionon the other hand, is more dangerous because it tends to push partners away into silence.
“As long as there is exasperation, there is love and desire”conclude Dorothée Bruni.
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Need advice for your life as a couple?
Dorothée Bruni vous reçoit à son cabinet situé à  Martigues. You can also ask him your questions by email for a future column:coach@maritima.info.
Find the column “Le Coach” every day on Maritima Radio
