It’s probably a bit corny, but for a long time I was jealous of young mothers who deftly carried their children around, the stroller in one hand and the smartphone in the other. For me, this walking cliché of the overwhelmed Parisian, but who is above all a mother, was the archetype of modernity. Obviously, taking a step back, I could see that I was simply responding to contradictory injunctions from society. However, I believe that my desire to be a mother also comes a little from there…
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“Non-gendered education has become obvious”
Then I had Hugo*. Two years later, little Emma was born*. And so, with my partner, I tried to think about the best education to give them so that they could do what I couldn’t do. Knowing how to escape all this social pressure. Quite quickly, non-gendered education became obvious. How better to escape the dictates of society than by advocating absolute equality between girls and boys? It all flowed naturally.
With our eldest, it was quite simple right away. He loved dresses, but also cars, he loved colors and football. I remember spending my life in stores buying him clothes in all shades. And the icing on the cake: he had magnificent long blond hair. Everyone took him for a girl and he didn’t care at all.
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“I felt like I had achieved something: my children were not stereotypesâ€
Then Emma* arrived. It was a completely different model, closer to Godzilla than to the Snow Queen… Here again, it was simple, she was energetic and autonomous, where Hugo* was patient and diligent. She had no interest in dolls at all and wanted to fight all the time. I felt like I had achieved something: my children weren’t stereotypes, they were them and our family refused the dictates that this patriarchal society was trying to impose on us (or something like that)!
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“He started to conform to what was expected of a little boy.â€
And then, Hugo returned to school. And there, how to say? Patatras…
What is quite fascinating is that at the beginning the comments came more from adults (after school, teachers, etc.). They made what they thought were harmless comments about his hair, his clothes, the way he behaved. However, my son has a very appreciable quality in this world: he constantly adapts. He therefore developed social reflexes to avoid these remarks. At school, he began to conform to what was expected of a little boy, in order to better fit into the boxes and be accepted.
It’s incredible, the violence of the words – unaware of those who uttered them – that I was able to hear in the mouths of other parents. They didn’t mean anything bad, but said things like “Pink is for girls” (heard several times from parents who one wouldn’t suspect a priori of being so narrow-minded). Or, “Gonna have to cut your hair soon, huh?” HAS”. But why?! Why cut your hair, why wear blue?
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“Our society still has a way to go”
Then what was supposed to happen happened. More and more, my son only found himself with boys (running and fighting at recess) and my daughter with girls. I wouldn’t say it happened naturally, but it almost became inevitable.
Today, the only thing that remains of all this is that Hugo likes sweatshirts of all colors and that he has sleepovers with his friends where they dress up in dresses. But it has become a game, not a way of being. My only small victory is that he kept his beautiful long hair and he doesn’t care if anyone mistakes him for a girl.
And for my daughter, apart from the fact that she has developed athletic muscles for some reason, she only talks about dresses and dinner.
I tell myself that I would have done what I could. But our society still has a way to go…
* Les prénoms ont été modifiés.
